Hi. My name’s Sarah. I’m 5’6” and weigh 143 pounds. I’ve struggled with my weight my whole life, and just recently, my eating disorder came back. I was 166 last month. I’ve lost so much weight by simply not eating. I show signs of anorexia. And no, you don’t have to be 90 pounds to have an eating disorder.

I grew up in what seemed like a perfect family on the outside, but it definitely wasn’t. My dad died when I was 12, and me being a daddy’s girl, I took it hard. My mom turned to alcohol, and to this day, has been an alcoholic. I grew up with my brother constantly putting me down about my weight, and calling me ugly, and so on.

The first time I cut, I was 12. It was shortly after my dad died, and it was just a mix of emotions all in one. I was young. I didn’t even know what I was doing, or what I had started, a war in my head. I didn’t cut again until I was 14, when I started high school and the pressure to be perfect was much greater. I cut on and off for a few months, and then stopped because I realized that cutting isn’t going to solve my weight problems.

I was fine until just recently, (I’m 16), when I started cutting again. I realized that I absolutely hate what I see in the mirror. There are times when I’ll start crying while getting dressed in the morning because I hate my body so much. I’m in a relationship with a beautiful girl, and just the thought of being naked in front of her makes me want to puke. I love her, but in the back of my mind I’m scared that she’ll leave me because I’m not skinny. It sounds pathetic, I know, but that’s just how I feel.

I’ve been cheated on in every relationship I’ve ever been in except one. One guy cheated on me with two of my cousins. I’ve been mentally abused in every way possible. I’m actually surprised I’m still here today. But I am, and I’m here for anyone that needs someone to listen, and won’t judge. I love you all, and thanks so much for reading my story and supporting my blog.

Stay strong, and beautiful. The world would kill to see you fall. <3